New season is upon us...

Wow! Can't believe 2009 Racing season is now upon us. I'm going to be all Up-On my bike, just like I've been all winter. 2008 was a great season - I'm looking forward to all the new faces of the 'Recent upgrades.' Those Cat 4 pansies don't know what's about to hit them in the Ultimate Cat.

Here's a General Warning to all you 'Recent Upgrades':

Stay the F-Outta-My-Way!

If you did not win every race that you entered in the Cat 4's, do not even try and get to the start line early because the front row is not for winners, not losers.

If the races you won were only because "you were in good position and raced smart," kindly stay away from the front of the race in the Ultimate Cat. Races in this category are not won by bike handling skills and smart racing. They are won by being kickass like me.

If you learn about race strategy from any of the bike forums (bikeforums.net,roadbikereview.com, etc) please don't even bother showing up. I've seen the advice on those damn forums, and it is the advice of losers.

Example Post and Response from those forums:
OP:Hey all, I've got a crit coming up this Saturday. It's going to have four corners and probably around 50 people in it. This is going to be my first race, and I'm just wanting some tips and advice. Thanks in advance! Cheers!

Member1: Try and stay near the front, in the first 15 riders or so. Don't be afraid to get dropped, almost everyone gets dropped their first race. Good luck!

Member2: If you haven't done any group rides before, it might be best to stay closer to the back so that you don't injure yourself or wreck anybody else.

OP: Yeah, that was my plan Member2 - I was going to stay near the back to get used to riding in the group. My goal is just to finish the race and not get pulled.

Member3: Just go out there and have fun. If you get dropped, you get dropped. Like Member1 said, everyone gets dropped their first race.

OP: Thanks for all the responses! You've been such a great help. I'll let you know how things go. Hopefully I won't get dropped on the first lap, but I probably will because I've listened to the advice of losers.

Lastly, enjoy your time in the Ultimate Category. Remember, if you can win races in the Cat 3's, you are destined for greatness.

I'm off to fix up my wheels for this weekends race. I like to place chain lube on my wheels where the brakes pads rub so I don't accidentally brake and slow myself down during the race. If you want to have any chance of winning, I recommend you do the same.