Cat3Phenom

Little strategy for you folks

2009-03-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

So, just wanted to give you folks a small pointer for your next race or hammerfest. Make sure you take some bubble gum with you. It can be sugar-free if you're a pansy and worry about cavities. Personally, I recommend this.

Yank out a big wad right before the ride or race begins and begin to gnaw on it like the big leaguers in the 80's used to. This serves two purposes. First, you look like a kickass big leaguer.

Second, the chewing that you are doing while you are riding, although wasting small amounts of energy, provides a decoy in case you do begin breathing hard. They see you your mouth open because you have such a kickass wad of gum in it, when really your mouth is open because you are gasping for breath.

They're over there with their air intake (cycling term for mouth) wide open trying to get as much oxygen as possible. You can tell they're at their limit and struggling. You too are at your limit and struggling - but thanks to the 'big league' trick provided by Cat3Phenom, nobody is the wiser.

Good luck out there. Please report back with success stories!

Ultimate Cat Roll-Call?

2009-03-10T06:17:00.000-07:00

Just wondering if we could get an Ultimate Cat roll call going. Just state what general region you race in, how long you've been an elite member, and anything else that you'd like. Any awesome stories that help prove what we already know about Cat 3 racing? Feel free to share.

Look what I just got in the mail...

2009-03-05T10:24:00.001-08:00

This is going to be awesome. I can only imagine the looks I'm going to get by the people on their Madone's when I crush their asses while wearing this. I almost think this may be bad for the sport of cycling. These people will probably never ride a bike again they'll be so demoralized when I drop the HAMMER on their ass.

Wife: "So honey, how was your group ride today?"
Demoralized husband: "I'd rather not talk about it..."
Wife: "Why, did you get dropped from the front group?"
Demoralized husband: "Not just me, the whole group did"
Wife: "Did one of those pro guys show up to stroke their ego by riding with middle-aged slightly overweight riders?"
Demoralized husband: "Actually, what hurts the most is that we all got dropped by a guy that was fatter than that kilt-wearing Scottish character in that Austin Powers movie. I think I really could have 'got in his bellllllyyyy (said in Scottish accent)'"
Wife: "Well I always told you that cycling wasn't your thing"

Little will they know that there's actually a V-12 engine under that fat suit. Cat3Phenom strikes again!

Racing P/1/2/3

2009-03-05T09:58:00.000-08:00

Man I love when race organizers set up a P/1/2/3 race. It really allows us badass Ultimate Cat rider to show the P/1/2 guys how big of mistake it was for them to 'upgrade.'

Raced last weekend in a P/1/2/3 race, got second place. Now you may think second place is bad, but it really just goes to show how awesome of a teammate I am. Had a team member up the road on a solo break. He must have attacked while I was still getting kit'ed up for the race, because I attacked from the gun only to hear on team radio that we already had a guy up the road.

Anyway, we have one up the road, so I play wingman. Aka - someone tries to attack and chase our solo rider, I hop on board. The looks on these Cat 1 racers faces when each time they attack with all their heart, only to look back and see that a member of the Ultimate Cat is in tow. Eventually, all of the morale was taken out of this chase group since none could get away without the Cat3Phenom caboose hitched to their rear wheel.

Once I saw that all morale was gone, I leapt from the group - leaving a cloud of "Racers" in my dust. It was awesome - first race of the year, 2nd place finish. I'm pretty sure I could have caught my teammate up the road, but since we split prize money anyway, there was no need.

After the race, we all did the usual gather around our vehicles and tell the 18 different perspectives that everyone had about the race. Although nobody came right out and said it, I could tell they were all looking at me with that envious look on their face. They were amazed at how strong a Cat 3 rider could be. The looks on their faces was worth more than any amount of prize money.

Hopefully they could read the look on my face, which was clearly telling all those P/1/2 riders that they had made a huge mistake by leaving the Ultimate Cat. At least they now know when an "Upgrade" is really a "Downgrade." They know who the real strongmen are.

Well, off to fill my tubes with H2O (water for you non-scientific people). This allows me to take my weekly training to a whole new level, and allows me to actually get a workout on group rides.

New season is upon us...

2009-02-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

Wow! Can't believe 2009 Racing season is now upon us. I'm going to be all Up-On my bike, just like I've been all winter. 2008 was a great season - I'm looking forward to all the new faces of the 'Recent upgrades.' Those Cat 4 pansies don't know what's about to hit them in the Ultimate Cat.

Here's a General Warning to all you 'Recent Upgrades':

Stay the F-Outta-My-Way!

If you did not win every race that you entered in the Cat 4's, do not even try and get to the start line early because the front row is not for winners, not losers.

If the races you won were only because "you were in good position and raced smart," kindly stay away from the front of the race in the Ultimate Cat. Races in this category are not won by bike handling skills and smart racing. They are won by being kickass like me.

If you learn about race strategy from any of the bike forums (bikeforums.net,roadbikereview.com, etc) please don't even bother showing up. I've seen the advice on those damn forums, and it is the advice of losers.

Lastly, enjoy your time in the Ultimate Category. Remember, if you can win races in the Cat 3's, you are destined for greatness.

I'm off to fix up my wheels for this weekends race. I like to place chain lube on my wheels where the brakes pads rub so I don't accidentally brake and slow myself down during the race. If you want to have any chance of winning, I recommend you do the same.

Bought a power meter

2008-08-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

Yep, bit the bullet and bought a power tap. It was used and a great price, so I had to do it.

There's so much that you can do with a power meter with regards to training. There's some sweet software out there that will let you know how much intensity you have during your workouts, the duration, your peak 1sec, 5sec, you name it sec watts you're putting out.

This software I'm speaking of will let a cyclist know, through line graphs, pie charts, and bar graphs how long was spent in different training zones and cadence speeds.

Athletes can use this to let them know when it is time to train harder, and when it is time to take a break. You can see if your power is decreasing, increasing, or hitting a plateau.

Many people buy these power meters so that they can properly pace themselves during time trials, using their functional threshold power (FTP) as a baseline for their effort.

You can use this thing to see what intensities you raced at, and the different lengths of time you were at those power levels so that you can then replicate this in your workouts.

People buy these things for a variety of different reasons.

I bought mine just to confirm what I already knew - that I am totally BADASS!

Guess I can sell this thing now.

Cycling Forum Douchebags

2008-08-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has noticed the amazing number of douchebags on cycling forums.

Instead of having them called 'cycling forums,' I vote to have them renamed, "If you stroke my fat, slow, pansy-ass cycling ego, I'll stroke yours more."

Let me know what you think.

2008-08-22T16:10:00.000-07:00

My how time flies when you're kicking ass and taking names. The life of the Cat 3 Phenom has been nothing but great the past few months. I totally forgot that I even had a blog. I guess that's what happens when you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to cycling.

Short recap:
I was unfortunately forced to get a job due to the sole reason that race payouts for the 'Ultimate Cat' are despicable. I'm going to spend this off season working on petitions to combine the payouts for P/1/2 races and Cat 4 races, and give all of that race money to the Cat 3 race. We deserve it. The rest of those pansy boys can fight it out for the meager pickin's that they usually award us amazing 3's.

Be sure to sign the petitions when they come your way.

Some things I learned racing this year in the Ultimate Cat:

1. I really am a cycling phenom.

2. Yellow line rule is made for people who suck at life

3. Drinking 8 or more beers the night before a race is not only great race preparation, but in fact improves results. Need more details, just ask.

4. You do not have to train 16+ hours a week to be a Cat 3 Phenom, in fact, 8 hours is probably too much

Not sure if you're a phenom or not??? Here is an easy test:

First, buy a cycling license and spend the next two months upgrading to the Ultimate Cat.

Next, only train for 7 hours a week. This includes race time.

Finally, if you are able to crush/destroy/obliterate all those you race against, CONGRATULATIONS, you too are a cycling phenom.

Something else I have learned...Never pay attention to anything you read on the numerous cycling forums. They are filled with fat, d-bags who couldn't ride their way out of a paper bag. Have a race coming up and want some advice, shout me a holla (that means message me for you uncool old bastards)! I'll let you know exactly what you need to do to dominate those sissies toeing the line next to you.

I'll be posting again shortly, so check back.

Out of Town Group Rides

2008-05-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

So I was on vacation this past weekend, and my bike was with me on the trip. I'm sure this would come as no surprise to all you like-minded racers out there. The only thing was, I did not take my regular racing bike. Instead, my old-school 80's Schwinn graced the bed of my truck.

Now, beings that I was in a new place, nobody knew who I was. This meant that they had no idea about the amazing power I am able to produce for rediculous amounts of time. I showed up to the local meeting spot (called the bike shop to find this out) for the Saturday hammerfest, wearing my athletic shorts over my bibs, and a T-shirt over my jersey.

You all can probably imagine the looks I received, as well as the warnings about the fast pace of the ride. One of the locals even tried to convince me I should wait up for the 'B' ride (cycling term for a ride that is filled with slow losers) so I wouldn't get dropped. I played dumb and pretended like I would do my best to hold on to the pace.

As soon as the ride rolled out of the parking lot, I began to drop the hammer. I glanced back to see the destruction that my quads were causing to the group, and the looks on their faces were priceless. The group was completely strung out.

I slowed down, just to give them hope, then launched another attack just before they caught back on my wheel. One guy was able to jump across (He must have been a former world champion to accomplish this), so I slammed on my brakes and swerved in order to shake him off my wheel. I then accelerated and left him in my dust.

I slowed again, just so these people could see how awesome of a bike rider I was. I kept myself about 100 meters off the front of the group for the rest of the ride.

At the end of the ride, I made sure to let the guy on the Colnago know that he was just demolished by a person on a $15 dollar bike. Man he must feel worthless. Talk about a waste of a great bike.

Overall, I think I really impressed everyone on the ride with my amazing speed and power. I bet they talk about my greatness for weeks to come.

The guy that I swerved in front of was a little unhappy, but I told him that it was not my fault he wasn't a good bike handler. He'd never make it in the Ultimate Cat.

I would recommend that the rest of you do the same next time you head to a new place where nobody knows how great you are. Fool them into believing that you suck because of the bike you ride, then shred their legs to bits.

Well, I'm off to scuff my beater bike up a little more. I want to make sure it looks even crappier for my next out of town group ride. Those losers don't know what's coming.

Something to Learn From

2008-04-25T16:48:00.000-07:00

So I was browsing through one of the many online bike forums, and came across this thread. Now I don't post on these things, and in fact I rarely read them. I was bored, and I was hoping to read a good race report.

Anyways, here's the link

I wanted to bring this up because it goes right along with some sound advice that I gave earlier. To briefly summarize for those that don't want to read the report, or the unsound support for the poor decision made by the rider, here it is:

Original poster entered first race, which was a crit (for you non-cyclists, this is a short course that generally has a lot of turns and you complete multiple laps). Original poster began to get nervous about the high speeds in a corner, as well as the numerous other riders surrounding her. So what does the original poster do next?

Now there are many options one can choose here, but I'll narrow it down to a few with a multiple choice question:

Do you ______________________?

A. Continue on with your nervous ways and hope to survive the race

B. Slow down, move off the back, and pick your own lines while slowly trying to finish the race

C. HTFU (for non-cyclists, this means to Harden The Fu$K Up)

D. Remove yourself from the race to prevent the escalation of the nervous feeling, and also to avoid the potential for physical injury to yourself and/or your fellow bike racers.

E. Never find yourself in this postion, because you are on the front of the race, launching attack after attack, knowing good and well that somewhere in the pack you are making people so nervous by the insane speeds that they lose touch with what it means to race a bike and they choose option 'D'.

The answer to this question is obvious. In case you're the kid that always peeked at your neighbors paper on test days, here's a hint. What would a winner do in this situation?

I know exactly what I'm doing. And I know exactly what every other winner reading this is doing.

Unfortunately our original poster selected 'D'. In fact, I never even knew this was an option when racing a bike. But what made matters even worse, was that almost everyone on that forum told the original poster that they made the right decision.

There was only one person who even came close to offering up a comment from a winners perspective. That poster started off correctly with option C, but unfortunately the original poster should have never been in this situation to begin with.

So now there is a whole group of people that are reading that post, and thinking that the correct thing to do is to sit in a pack. And when you get nervous while in that pack, quickly pull yourself from the race.

You see my friends, this is why you never sit amongst the peleton (cycling term for pack of losers). There losing mentality will wear off on you.

So I'm a Coach Now

2008-04-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

Got my first official coaching gig yesterday. Funny thing is, I wasn't even trying to become a cycling coach. But I guess this is what happnes when you are the greatest cyclist around.

I feel like that old MJ commercial - "Like Mike, if I could be like Mike. I wanna be, wanna be like Mike, like Mike. If I could be like Mike." I guess I've become the Michael Jordan of cycling.

Warning - Please do not confuse this with the douche-bag "Michael" that I discussed in an earlier post. I'm talking about the greatest basketball player of all time.

So the guy is a person from one of the local group rides. Let's just say he sucks a little bit of ass, but he wants to get better. I almost turned him down, because I don't like being affiliated with people who suck. Apparently he wants a training program that will allow him to be competitive in the 'I'm not good enough to actually race' rides that he does.

Like I've mentioned in earlier posts, I'm a winner. Winners only hang out with winners - but I'm making an exception because the price was right. Although I told him he's not allowed to pretend like he knows me.

So I've got this old guys program all set up, and I thought I'd go ahead and post it up here for all to see.

Consider yourself lucky, this is the same program that I perform every week. If it's good enough for me to dominate in the 'Ulitimate Cat,' then it's definitely good enough for him. And it's also good enough for the rest of you. No need to read Friel's book. This will work for all riders.

Monday: 2.5 Hours - 1 min all-out sprint, 30 sec rest. Repeat for the entire workout
Tuesday 4 Hours - Complete 3, 40K maximal effort TT's. Finish off with 5, 15 minute hill climb intervals
Wednesday: 1 hour of squats followed by 2 hours of power intervals
Thursday: 3 hours of counter-attacking your own attacks. No recovery in between.
Friday: 4 hour ride, keeping your average mph above 21 while wearing 10 lb ankle weights.
Saturday: Sign up and win your race. Never allow anyone else to take a pull.
Sunday: Show up to the local group ride on your mountain bike and proceed to call out, then drop, the fastest roadie there.

I don't believe in recovery days. Recovery is for pussies.

I also don't believe in warm-ups, or cool-downs. Those are for pussies.

If you feel you need to warm-up or cool-down, please do the following:

1. Go down to your local supermarket and find the feminine product isle
2. Find the biggest tube of vagisil they have, and then grab two
3. Walk to the cash register, and pull your money out of your purse
4. Pay for the vagisil, go home, and apply to whatever body part requires a warm-up or cool-down.
5. Repeat step 4 until your pussitis goes away, and then hop on your bike and drop the hammer.

Well, time to go do a little bit of carbo loading. I don't have an official race this weekend, so I'm gong to be crushing the spirits of the local group riders. I love to make them suffer.

Post on how to successfully counter-attack your own attack to come shortly.

Never Ride with Hot Women

2008-04-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

This is essential to any training program. You must never, ever, not even if you are a pansy and have 'recovery' days during the week - ride with hot women. If you do, you are just asking for trouble.

This happened to me on a group ride recently, and now I make sure I dump that chick before we even leave the meeting point. Another options is to tell her the wrong meeting time/place. Here is the reason why riding with attractive women is a bad mistake.

You will no longer will you want to shred legs and spit out weaklings. Instead you'll be tempted to draft (cycling term for being too weak to ride in the wind) behind said hot chick in order to get a 'better view of the road.' You'll forget about what the real point of the ride is. This is not a blind date, nor a speed date, nor a time to hit on women.

The only thing one should think about while on a bicycle is inflicting pain on those around you. At no point in time should hitting on chicks fall into this equation.

I don't care if you're on a ride, and you see a hot chick in a car next to you at a red-light. Immediately try and drop that chick too. I don't care that she's in a car, if you've got legs like mine you can drop people in cars. Whatever you do, don't be sucked in by the hot chick, it will turn straight to weakness. And weakness is for losers.

Well I'm off to adjust my left cleat 1 mm to the right on my left cleat. It was causing slight rubbage against the left crank arm, causing friction, thus reducing watts.

Ah, the good'ole days...

2008-04-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

This was a good one, I wanted to be sure that everyone was able to see it. Michael has kindly offered himself up to become the, "you should have seen me back in my day," guy. This was posted in the Comments of the Yellow Line post.

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Michael said...
You know, back in my racing days, we called Cat 3's "candy asses," so calling it the "ultimate cat" is pretty stupid. Additionally, I'd love to see the crashes caused by a full two lanes of riders trying to compress back into one lane on a blind curve in the mountains--or even on a short blind rise. Thus far, you've done little to prove you're anything but a troll. Or maybe you're just retarded.
April 24, 2008 10:25 AM

---------------------------------------------------------------

I can't wait until I get to pull the 'back in my day' card. Sounds like Michael is a little bitter about being downgraded to a Cat 4. But even more bitter about being too old and fat to earn the points to become an elite member of "The Ultimate Cat."

My real guess is he's the guy you find at the start of your local Tuesday night worlds, dressed in the full CSC team kit, and his $6000 dollar ride. The guy you chat with as the group rolls from the parking lot and begins the casual pre-hammerfest warm up. You know the one - he tells you how great he was until that nagging (insert body part here) injury forced him to quit racing.

Yep, that's our buddy Michael. The guy you never see again after the pace moves past the almighty speed of 15mph. Watch out for Michael on your next ride. If you're a loser, he'll be pretty easy to spot. He'll be right next to you in the group, hiding his girly face from the wind.

If you're a winner like me, don't worry about Michael. You won't see him again after the parking lot. You'll be too busy shredding legs and launching attacks from the front of the group.

Oh, and Michael, that's pretty sick that you'd love to see people crash.

As far as being a troll is concerned, if trolls are winners, you can call me a troll all you want. However, there is one problem. I know for a fact that trolls hide under bridges. I learned this from a book that I once read. This proves two things:

1. I know how to read and have the capacity to remember. And,

2. I never hide during a race. In fact, I'm the guy who counter-attacks his own attacks (explanation on how to do this successfully to follow in a later post).

I guess this means I'm not retarded, and I'm also not a troll.

Well, I'm off to replace my regular metal cleat screws with titanium. Should save me some weight, thus making me even more of a phenom than I already am.

Yellow line rule - A rule for the Weak

2008-04-24T06:28:00.001-07:00

Talk about BS. The yellow line rule is more gay than Richard Simmons with a rainbow tattoo on his lower back at a pride march in San Francisco.

They claim it's for the safety of the racers. What a load of crap (cycling term for something being a lie). I'll tell you what it is...it's a rule made up by the guys who can only produce 4 watts of power, but have great bike handling skills. You've seen them, they bob and weave through the pack effortlessly, not because they are strong riders, but because they are like magic little lepricauns.

They get to the front of the pack, but because they have cotton candy legs the pace slows and the peleton bunches up. Improving ones position has now become impossible. The cluster ____ of racers and bikes has now put up an impenetrable wall. Strong riders are caught out and the race becomes unbelievably boring.

You inch towards the yellow line, hoping that up ahead someone might ramp up the pace and string out the field. You hope that the cotton candy racers crash themselves out, but this never occurs because they handle their bikes too well. You hope they make the same mistake I did, forget to eat, and suffer the dreaded bonk. Anything that will let you move up in the pack. Afterall, the front should only be a place for the strong men.

But no, none of this happens because of the gay yellow line rule. The race finish nears, and you are stuck in rush-hour traffic about 40 guys back, forced to sprint for 47th place. Meanwhile, those weaklings that were at the front get passed by the few rows behind them during the sprint, and they finish out of the top 10.

Everyone knows they're going to finish out of the top ten because they can only produce 4 watts.

I think that one of two things should happen:

1. You must either produce documentation of a power test along with your liscense at registration. Those cotton-candy people who can only produce 4 watts or less receive a different color number, we'll say pink. They are not allowed in the front half of the pack in an "Ultimate Cat" race. Or they have the option to race with the Cat 4 women.

-or-

2. They eliminate the yellow line rule, and allow the strong to move up in the pack. Racers are smart enough to move over if there is traffic coming, so the safety excuse is out the window.

Let me know which one you vote for...

I'm off to accent my bike with a little bit more red. It makes me faster.

Race radio's

2008-04-24T05:55:00.000-07:00

So, I've competed in a few races that were a combined Cat Pro/1/2/3 field this season. Although based on the way I was shredding legs (cycling term for making your competitors legs hurt), I don't think there were too many 'Pro' riders there.

Beings that I was in this field, we were allowed to use race radios. Now I'm not sure yet on how I feel about race radios. Some people whine and cry that it takes a lot of excitement out of the racing. They weep that all the racing is orchestrated by the team car rather than by the racers. That the racers have now become puppets, albiet cool puppets: think the puppets off "Team America." (currently the speakers aren't working on my computer, and I don't read the language that is closed-captioned on that video, so I don't know what they are saying. I'm hoping something cool)

Alright, so we're using the race radios, and I must say I really felt pro. I'm not sure if it was the placebo effect of feeling like a pro, but I felt super strong that day. However, there are some problems with the race radio. One of these is the fact that "Go!" and "No!" sound a lot alike, especially with the wind noise. Unfortunately for my competitors, I heard "Go! Go! Go!" as I was on the front ripping it. What was really being said was "No! No! No!"

I did not look back (lose watts) nor did I slow down (I do not wear a skirt), so I was unaware that I was single handedly blowing up the field (cycling term for causing riders go so hard they wear themselves out too quickly).

This effort separated the strong from the weak. The men from the boys. The macho from the wimpo. So I was in great position to win the race, but this did not occur. Now some of you may be thinking that I worked to hard by staying on the front. Others may be thinking that perhaps my fitness as a Cat 3 was not quite up to par with the "Big Boy's" in the Cat 1/2's. My friends, none of these were the case.

I was clearly the strongest in the group, but I made a rookie mistake. In all my excitement of feeling like a pro, I forgot that I did not actually have a team car and a domestique to bring me food (Payday's and OCP's) and drinks (H2O, Gatorade). That's right, I did not take a feed, and thus the dreaded 'bonk' (cycling term for using up all your energy so you legs just wont move anymore) quickly followed. I had to use all of watt saving strategies to finish with the group.

It's really good to know that my fitness is where it needs to be. Had I eaten properly, I'm sure you all agree that I would have come in first. That's what winners do.

Anyway, I now have a new area that I need to focus on while on the trainer. We have another 1/2/3 race coming up soon, so I'm going to train with my race radio in. I've got two fans in my workout area, and I'm going to crank those up to high in order to simulate road noise. I'm then going to have my buddy pretend he is out of breath, and yell "No!" and "Go!"

I think this will sufficiently prepare me for my upcoming race. Racers beware, I'm coming for ya, and this time I'm going to make sure I eat and drink. Well I'm off to polish the nipples on my wheels. Grease buildup in this area can cause power drainage of 2-3 watts. That's like 46 seconds in a 40K TT.

If you plan on beating me next time we line'em up, you better have clean nipples too.

Cat 3 Racing is the Toughest

2008-04-23T05:48:00.000-07:00

That's right, racing as a Cat 3 - or in my case, dominating as a Cat 3 - is the hardest thing to do in all of bicycle racing.

A quick lesson for the non-cyclist on Racing Categories. When you begin racing, you start out as a weak little Category 5, or Cat 5. I prefer calling it the Crash 5's. You wouldn't believe the amount of 'squirrily birds' they have in those groups. Once you do ten races, you can move up to a Category 4. Unless you are a Nancy-ass sandbagger, then you stay as a Cat 5. Why would you do this??? I guess some people like gay medals to hang on their walls.

So Cat 4's is a step up from the Cat 5's, but this does not mean a thing. All it means is the person likes to race, not that they are any good at it. Anybody can be a Cat 4, or Cat 5.

To become a Cat 3 - hereafter referred to as 'the Ultimate Cat' - you must earn points from the races you compete in. You must have 20 points in a 12 month span in order to accomplish this. The only point value I know is for first place, because that was where you could always find me.

So you get you 20 points and have shown you have some talent, so now you're in 'the Ulitmate Cat'.

Now that the briefing for the uneducated is finished, I can discuss why Cat 3 racing is the toughest...

First off, the bike handling of most Cat 3's has not improved since the time they were a Cat 5. At the same time, leg strength and power has generally increased among these same people which means everyone goes faster. That, combined no bike handling skills, results in carnage waiting to happen

Or picture it like this: You go out on St. Patty's day, consume massive amounts of Irish Car Bombs so you've lost all control over your body and it's functions. You then have a choice of hopping into a souped up Corvette capable of 0-60 in 3.5 seconds, or throwing your leg over a 1946 Vespa that lacks the horsepower the get you over that big neighborhood speed bump.

In the Corvette, you're lucky to make it out of there alive. You wake up the next morning and are just counting your blessing that you made it home in one piece. You know you escaped a wreck that could have cost you your life. This is like Cat 3 racing.

On the mighty Vespa, you're just lucky if you make it home before daylight due to the slow speeds that you putter along at. You know full well that the only damage that's going to be caused in a wreck might be a little skin off the body. This is Cat 5 racing.

It is for this reason that during Cat 3 races I just stay off the front, constantly attacking my opponents to wear down their legs. I slowly turn those 09 Corvette legs into the wet noodle that is the 46 Vespa. By the time the bell lap rings I have turned what was once the Ulitmate Cat into nothing more than a bunch of spandex-wearing sissy-boys.

As far as Cat 1's and 2's are concerned, their bike handling does not allow for the difficulty that is involved in Cat 3 racing, thus making Cat 3's - the Ulitmate Cat.

Well that is all for now, I'm off to get my bike fit perfectly to my body. I feel as though my seat is 1 nanometer too low, thus impeding my ability to maximze my already superiour power on a bike. Have a good one!

Watt saving

2008-04-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been away from the computer for a while, but I know my fans want to hear more - so here I sit typing. I've had a couple of races since my last post, and I must say that the training is paying off.

I really believe that my trainer riding has saved me at least 22-26 watts (on average) over a 60-80 minute race. Here is how I figure this out:

People who don't do the sunscreen sweat in the eyes training are forced to remove one hand from the handle bar. Doing so wastes energy that could be used to create downward force on the pedals, thus losing some power. Combine that with the decrease in aerodynamics caused by your 'chicken-wing' hanging out in the wind, and there you have it - 22-26 watts.

Now I don't have a power meter, but I am extremely smart, so this is completely accurate. I would almost go so far as to say it can be considered scientific fact.

Another way I get power saving during a race is to not turn, twist, or otherwise lean to the side when blowing snot from my mouth or nose. How you might ask, well it's because you lose your aerodynamic air flow when you lean your big dome out into the wind.

Instead, I'm like Forrest Gump when he's running across the United States: He states something along these lines "...when I'm tired, I sleep. And when I, you know, I go..." That's what I do. When I need to blow a snot rocket, I just let it rip down the front of me.

Well that is all the power saving hints I'm going to give out today. I'll post more in the future. I'm off to shave the hair out of my nasal cavity to allow for cleaner, smoother, discharge of my snot rockets.

Strong ride

2008-04-03T13:49:00.001-07:00

Well, just got done with my ride and I must say it was a good one. I like to keep things interesting by watching cycling while I ride the trainer. I also make sure I get dressed up in my full team kit, which includes helmet, sunglasses, and gloves.

I'm not sure if everyone does this same thing, but I strongly believe in the moto: "You have to practice the same way you do as when you compete." (or something like that)

I know when I'm in a race, I have to wear my helmet, sunglasses, and full team kit...so that is what I do when I'm on the trainer as well. I even apply sunscreen so that I can get used to the burning sensation I get in my eyes when the sweat and sunscreen gets in them...I really think this is starting to pay off.

Today, my eyes only burned for the first couple minutes after the sweat got in them. This is compared over five minutes when I first starting working on this. It was so bad the first time that I had to use a towel to wipe my eyes out. (This is not something I could do if I were in a race.)

(Rubber Ducky was what I started out with. Even though it was for children it still burned)

(my second step up, once I started tolerating the children's)

(Here's a pic of the sunscreen that I have now moved up to)

The whole purpose for this is to make sure I'm used to it when I'm racing. I think in a few more weeks I will be immune to what I like to call 'burning sunscreen eyeball.' I'm really hoping this little things that I'm doing that others don't are going to pay off in the long run.

Anyway, on to my quick ride report...

I won't bore you with the details, but my legs felt really strong. At the end of each one of my power intervals, I sprinted for 20 seconds all-out. During this I had my friend push on my arms and bump up against me so that I am used to it when it happens during a real sprint.

I really think these race-like trainer rides are really starting to help me out on the mental, as well as physical aspect of the sport.

Well, off to polish my bike...

It's raining, I'm indoor training

2008-04-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

Yep, you got that right...Rain outside, I train inside. Speaking of train...this is kind of like my riding style.

I'm like a big freight-train. I just get at the front of a race, get my engine a going, and blast trough, around and over everything I come across. This is what I picture while I'm riding on my trainer, becoming the train that is so fast I have jet engines:

Or maybe another comparison. I envision myself like big Thor (below)...

And this is my competition (below). There's no way the competition can hang with me. I actually think I could drop them on a stationary trainer, and these things don't even move.

Well, I guess I better go hop on the trainer. Todays workout calls for two hours total. I'll probably do a bit of a warm up, maybe 30 minutes or so, and then hammer out an hour worth of power and steady state intervals. I'm going to follow that up with 15 minutes of tempo, and then a 15 minute cool down.

I've got a race this weekend, so I want to go hard today, rest tomorrow, then get ready.

Time to go drop that chick...

2008-04-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

Well, just wanted to start a blog that would allow me to rant, rave, and basically speak the truth about the trials and tribulations of Cat 3 cycling. This blog is also meant to educate those that aren't familiar with cycling to the lingo and strategy used in bike racing. As the name Cat3Phenom would suggest, I am quite good.

I usually only lose races due to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never lose races due to my lack of fitness. Not sure who I am, go to your next race and look for the guy that is always on the front, dragging the weaker riders around.

See picture for example:

Guy in blue = winner = where you'll find me

All others = weiners = wimps = hiding girly faces from wind = 'sitting-in'

"Oh, what was that? An attack just went off the front?" Yep, that was most likely me.

Some might say that I don't race smart...but this is not the case. They might claim that I should not spend all my time on the front of the race, but instead 'sit-in' (cycling term for hiding in the pack like a wimp) and conserve energy. What these people don't know is that I am a born leader. This is all I know. I am a winner, not a weiner, and winners are on the front. Weiners, on the other hand, sit in the pack and hide their girly faces from the wind.

(Picture of what cyclists call a peleton - I vote to rename it 'pack of pansies')

Nope...you won't catch me sitting in a pack when there is leading to be had.

Well I look forward to telling my stories about Cat 3 racing, and I hope you'll come back and read along. I'll post some race reports in the near future. Hope you enjoy.